Possessive

It’s 5 am on Sunday morning and police get a call. Shots fired in an apartment building. When they arrive the find Georgia Lee dead on the floor. Also in the apartment on the second floor, they find Georgia’s 15 year old brother and her two children ages 6 and 16 months old. The children were not harmed.

An investigation had to be done, two children and a teen had to be cared for and protected. At least one report indicates that Georgia Lee’s body was near the entry to the apartment. The children were taken out of the home through a second story window and down a ladder to safety. They were placed in the custody of Child Protective Investigative unit until family could reached.

Police say they determined the shooter was 45 year old Winston Calder and that he had fled the home after the shooting. Police were able to locate and arrest Calder. He has been charged with 1st degree murder.

A friend has talked about Georgia Lee and her relationship with Calder.

“She just said she was going to leave him because he’s so possessive,”

The children’s father was contacted and arrived to take custody of the children. A hearing was held and temporary custody of the children was granted to the father pending a background check by the Dept. of Children and Families. According to the judge

“I’m very, very concerned about the children,” said Judge Joseph Murphy, “and I think they have been through the worst thing that they ever experienced, and they’re going to need all the support from the family they can get.”

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5 am. That time of the morning is the time when most children will sleep the deepest. A sudden loud noise, very frightening to anyone let alone children. The sights, the sounds, the loss and the fear they felt that night, those children’s lives have changed forever. At 16 months the little girl won’t even remember her mother’s love. At age 6 if the little boy remembers, his memories will be vague. At 15 the brother will probably never forget his last sight of his sister and the events of that night. I don’t know if those children saw what happened, but they would have definately heard it and are deeply affected by it.

The term possessive in relation to a relationship is interesting.

Possessive is defined in the Free Dictionary as:

1. Of or relating to ownership or possession.
2. Having or manifesting a desire to control or dominate another, especially in order to limit that person’s relationships with others: a possessive parent.
3. Grammar Of, relating to, or being a noun or pronoun case that indicates possession.

Domination and control. Two terms that are very closely related to DV. To exert ownership- like of a object or item that is owned. And what do you do with an item or object that is no longer wanted or needed or is not serving the purpose for which it was intended?

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Just a little philosophy

I sometimes look to nature for inspiration in times of stress, just a little thing I do to try to cope. For instance if you look at a tree and think of all they go through- wind, rain, snow and ice. They may bend, but they return upright. They may sustain damage, but as long as that trunk, that core survives the tree will survive. So it is with people, during life we will face opposition and we may face damage, but as long as our core survives, we can survive.

Fire it is hot angry and destructive, sometimes even explosive. But eventually a fire will burn itself out when it devours all the fuel sources available to feed it. So it is with anger. It can consume us. However water is different. Water seems deceptively soft, if it hits a wall it will seek to go under or around the obstacle. And when that works, it is great. But water is not as soft as you might think. A steady stream of water pouring onto a stone will eventually erode the stone. With help from other streams, it can build enough strength to push over a house. Sometimes with faced with opposition, water is better than fire.

And today I learned a new one. I put up birdfeeders this year for the winter. I’ve done it before, but never really sat and watched the birds at the feeder. Today I sat and watched. There were finches, woodpeckers, and mourning doves feasting and seeming to be enjoying the feeders. Then a hawk showed up. As soon as the hawk appeared, all the other birds fled.

Now a hawk is big and a predator to the smaller birds. And no matter how much those birds were enjoying the feeder they did not stay to protect an easy food source, they were not going to stay around and be preyed upon. A bird has a small brain and survives on their instincts. When it became dangerous for them they fled- even if it meant they had to leave an easy feeder and seek out other food sources. They took the chance that the hawk might give chase, but that was their best option and they took it. The birds didn’t stop to think about where their next food source would be, or what would happen if the hawk caught them. They didn’t think about if the hawk would go hungry. By listening to their instincts and fleeing, those birds survived today. Tomorrow they will come back or they will find another feeder. When faced with a dangerous stranger most people will flee. But it is common in domestic violence to ignore the instinct to flee, and to let other things become priority. What would happen to the finches if they had done that?