Loss of Temper

Many times you will hear victims of domestic violence say “he/she wouldn’t really hurt me, doesn’t want to harm me, they just lost their temper.” What they mean is they lost control of their temper. And that loss of control can lead to unintended consequences.


It started with a wife looking for her husband. And she found him. Allegedly she found him with his brother. At a party and with another woman. And that of course led to an argument. The dispute allegedly spilled out into the neighborhood street.

But the wife called her cousin and asked to be picked up, to be removed from the situation. When the cousin arrived, she got in the vehicle and attempted to leave. Allegedly the husband and his brother also got into their vehicle. And they allegedly chased the vehicle the wife was in. Allegedly they also used their vehicle to ram the vehicle the wife and her cousin were in. Then allegedly the husband got out of the vehicle he was in and jumped on top of the vehicle his wife and her cousin were in and began beating on the windows. The cousin who was driving attempted to drive off.  

The husband reportedly fell off of the vehicle and hit the roadway. And the vehicle may have driven over him, though that doesn’t seem clear. The husband was pronounced dead.

The cousin drove about a mile away from the scene then abandoned his vehicle, fleeing on foot. He turned himself into police a few hours later. He was arrested on suspicion of a hit and run accident. Police have stated that had he remained at the scene, he most likely would not have been arrested as he was apparently a victim. The cousin reportedly told police that he left the scene because he was in this country illegally and feared being deported.

I have not seen whether police have confirmed about the brother and the husband using their vehicle to ram the vehicle his wife was riding in, or who was driving or whether there are any charges there.

eastvalleytribune.com   azcentral.com   kpho.com   azfamily.com

Most of the domestic violence deaths I have seen did not appear to be planned. They appear as though someone loses their “temper”, also called loss of control. And where there is a loss of control, they may not mean to harm- but that doesn’t mean they won’t. A loss of control that includes violence means they may be unwilling or unable to stop before someone is harmed.

Once the loss of temper includes violence, the violence will usually happen again and again. And the nature of violence and loss of control is that it escalates. Every loss of control incident contains a risk of danger to the victim, because a loss of control is just that- they have lost control and may not be able to stop.

Once violence begins a couple cannot change that alone. They will need assistance. Many experts recommend counseling- sometimes for the abuser and sometimes for both partners. Many others recommend anger management. But no counseling or anger management will help unless the abuser is willing to admit the problem, be willing and committed to change- for the long term. In many cases, it is best just to leave. If/when they work out their violence problems, then it can be reevaluated.

I take no pleasure in this young man’s senseless death. The wife was attempting to flee and had the right to do so. But there is no pleasure in the loss of a life.