Give the Dog a Break

Yes, I mean the canine dog. Not the other kind.

 A Washinton couple were reportedly taking care of the daily hygiene needs (I guess that is what they were doing) by preparing to shower together when a disagreement allegedly occurred.

According to what media is reporting, the boyfriend wanted his dog to join them in the bathroom, the girlfriend didn’t and that led to words between the couple. Allegedly the girlfriend said something to the effect that the dog was a dealbreaker in the relationship and either the dog went or she did. Allegedly the boyfriend indicated that he would keep the dog (or something to that effect.) I believe it is also reported that he also mentioned getting a girlfriend who could appreciate the dog.

More discussion and alleged name calling, things said- things replied to then allegedly there was a physical confrontation. Although the couple were allegedly in a naked state it reportedly wasn’t your typical naked confrontation. This wasn’t the actions of making up after an argument.

The boyfriend reportedly ended up with his face being punched, a struggle occured, the boyfriend reportedly suffered a dislocated shoulder, and suffered a cut from a broken picture frame.

Still no making up, the girlfriend was arrested for investigation of second degree assault, and taken to jail with bail being set at $50,000.

So let’s leave the dog out of it. He didn’t ask for the violence, he may well have enjoyed the togetherness time but most likely didn’t enjoy the violence that occurred and probably would have forgone the togetherness if that would have prevented the violence.

If you don’t like what is being asked of you by a boyfriend, it is best to state your piece- then leave peacefully. If your girlfriend gets angry, then state your postition and let her leave- peacefully. The dog would have been happier, the boyfriend would have been happier and the girlfriend would be happier.

This sounds like a bad joke doesn’t it? Unfortunately it isn’t. Female to male abuse does occur. Common couple violence where both members of a couple become physically violent does happen. It isn’t a joke, it is a serious situation.

If it happened in reverse, in a male to female situation the female would most likely claim abuse. In this situation however, it is female on male. And it is still abuse.

Now someone is going to tell me that he probably hit her first. But that is one of the first things police investigate. Who descended into violence first and then they will also look at who has the worst injuries. And then they determine who is the person who will most likely be charged. What happened after that will most likely be deemed self defense as long as the struggle did not escalate into a lethal or almost lethal situation.

Some will say that isn’t fair. Some may say he had probably hit her before. But that would be a separate issue and if that had occurred (and I am in no way indicating that that did occur, as this is entirely hypothetical) if that had occurred and she stayed with him, then that would not affect this situation as once you commit violence yourself, you effectively lose your voice over previous issues.

Basically I guess I am saying is that  old saying- what is “sauce for the goose is also sauce for the gander.” If you are a female and are physically violent with a spouse or boyfriend, you run the risk of being charged with a crime. Likewise, if you are in a relationship where violence is mutual, then you also run a risk of being charged with a crime. Because violence is violence- no matter which gender commits it.



  1. Becky J said,

    January 10, 2008 at 6:10 am

    very well stated HSH, unfortunatly too many men feel they wouldnt be taken seriously if they were to report domestic violence, or they are embarrassed, like you said “violence is violence”

  2. heather said,

    January 28, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    I agree that in many situations, once you commit violence yourself, you must deal with the consequences and accept responsibility for being a perpetrator of violence. Your credibility as a victim is often undermined, and maybe rightfully (as it appears might be the case in this situation). I agree that violence is almost never necessary or justified. And it’s indisputable that female-to-male violence is real.

    That said, and the gender issue aside, I have many clients who have acted in self-defense, and not just defense of their lives – often it is as simple as being hit and hitting back; being punched and so throwing something at the other person to stop the attack. As one woman said, “yeah, I fought back. Should I have just sat there and let him beat me? Those people end up dead.”

    It is easier to feel sympathy for victims who have never used violence themselves. But as long the physical force is used in defense (or even offense, in extreme cases of battered women in prison) I believe they retain the right to speak out about previous violence.

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