No Other Choice

Robert and Kimberly Wolfe reportedly filed for divorce in July 2006. And according to police, the year since has been contentious. Kimberly Wolfe, 33, filed for three protection orders (July and Dec. 2006), one of which was dismissed. Robert Wolfe reportedly filed for protection orders against Kimberly Wolfe in July 2006 and April of 2007. Reportedly both of those were dismissed. According to at least one article, there were also two misdemeanor domestic violence charges against Wolfe (at least one of which may have been for breaking the protection order.) The divorce became final May 16.

Last Friday Kimberly Wolfe was at home with her boyfriend and her teen daughter. After the household had gone to bed, Kimberly Wolfe and the boyfriend Timothy Sizemore were allegedly awakened with a bat around 1-1:30 am.

According to reports, they were hit repeatedly. Kimberly Wolfe was able to get to her gun and fired a shot. But the bat continued to hit. So she fired another shot. When the bat strikes continued, she shot for the third time- this time the intruder dropped.

Police say it appears that Robert Wolfe entered the home through a broken window. In the home they found a bag of knives. Police theorize that Wolfe may have planned to torture his wife before killing her. Two of Kimberly Wolfe’s shots had apparently missed and struck a bedroom wall.

Robert Sizemore reportedly suffered a broken elbow and hand. He also appeared to have been struck on the face and ribs. Kimberly Wolfe is reported to have bruising but no broken bones. Police believe that Robert Sizemore may have received more injuries because he may have been on the side of the bed closest to the door. Robert Wolfe was reported to have no pulse at the scene.

Police have investigated the scene. They report their findings as the home appeared to have been broken into, and the assault. They have said it had the appearance of self-defense. The police will present the case to the district attorney and the DA will make the final decision as to whether to file charges. Kimberly Wolfe has not been charged with any crime.

The police chief has said

“I don’t know if it was the right thing,” Edwards said. “It’s probably why she’s still alive. I don’t think she had any other options.”

sequoyahcountytimes.com    muskogeephoenix.com

sequoyahcountytimes.com    swtimes.com

“No other options.” Basically that can be the difference between a finding of self-defense and murder. If there is an option of leaving the presence of the abuser, then that is an option.

Recently I spoke about two women who were being released from prison after years of incarceration, after they were convicted of killing their husbands- both of whom were allegedly abusive. My plea was for people who were in abusive relationships to leave before it came to that. Someone chided me for that.

Leaving is an option. A scary, difficult option but it is an option. So if there is an opportunity to escape (for example after the abuser goes to sleep) take the option of leaving.

If there is a fear of the abuser attempting to take revenge for leaving- find a domestic violence shelter. File charges for any abuse and obtain a protection/restraining order. Then if the order is broken and contact is made, make a report and follow through on the restraining order. You may need to take other actions like finding somewhere unknown to the abuser to live. You may need or want to protect your address by keeping it a secret. Keep in contact with your local domestic violence agency. They will have other information to help you protect yourself and your family and may have some resources to help you in establishing a new life.

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7 Comments

  1. Kim said,

    June 15, 2007 at 3:34 pm

    I think telling a woman to leave an abusive man is a good idea on the part of the person giving the advice, but I think you need to understand it is easier said than done. If he threatens her life, no amount of resources and shelters, friends and family, will ever be enough to make her feel safe and allow her to lead a happy NORMAL life. Instead she will continue to live in fear and what kind of life is that? A woman deserve to be able to severe a relationship and not have to worry about being killed for it. Sometimes the only way out is to get him before he gets you. Sadly, in most cases, it almost always ends like this. I think the best advice for all women is to learn to recognize the early signs of an abusive partner and make the choice to leave early or not even to begin. Then again some people live with their partner for years and years and then snap –

  2. June 15, 2007 at 5:31 pm

    Kim, everybody does deserve to be able to live without fear I agree. But yes women who leave an abusive relationship does often live with a measure of fear. That is one of the scars from DV that I talk about. But leaving succcessfully can be done. It isn’t easy but once accomplished the fear does lessen and becomes less of a factor in the person’s life.
    I do agree that the best advice is to learn the signs of an abusive personality and to avoid getting in relationships with those persons. I am going to add a category of links to find more information about the warning signs. Thank you for the idea.

  3. Becky J said,

    June 20, 2007 at 5:20 am

    the thing that is so upsetting, at least in my town, is that law enforcement will NOT help keep a woman safe, i had to learn to protect myself because they were always blaming me for “getting myself into that situation, we have better things to do than referee people like you.” and i did what any normal person woud do….go to the police chief, the sheriff, etc and was told the same thing by them. Thankfully my situation didnt end up with either one of us dying/or committing murder, but that was definatly only the luck of the draw….that was 7 years ago, and the law enforcement in this town is the EXACT same, my friend recently left her situation and was treated the exact same way i was, she took the same steps, speaking with the police chief etc and was told the same thing by them. I work for the domestic shelter here in town now and have tried on multiple occasions to take some education into our law enforcement and they absolutly REFUSE to allow it, i know that sounds assanign but its the truth. So as much as i believe you need to do WHATEVER you can to stay safe without killing the abuser, you also have to learn to protect yourself because unfortunatly you may be the only one who can.

  4. cassee01 said,

    June 20, 2007 at 2:26 pm

    My X and I have been divorced for two years. I haven’t talked to him or seen him closer than 150 ft away for that time (we exchange our children at a visitation center). Out of the blue this past friday, he was waiting for me at summer camp. Luckily, I had a change of plans that morning and did not drop off the kids at the normal time, so evidently he got tired of waiting and called me. Although we do not have an “order” in place, I have never given him my phone number and I did know he had it, but he never calls it as I have given the kids their own cell phone to use to communicate with him and his family. He ranted and raved and then I hung up on him and had my number changed immediately. I had to take my daughter to the doctor (which was why my schedule was off) and while we were in the waiting room he showed up. Fortunately, he did not do anything crazy, but the ordeal made me a nervous wreck because I’m always afraid something like what you posted might happen. I mean, its been two years, evidently he is still not “over it”. It’s very scary.

  5. June 21, 2007 at 2:51 am

    Cassee01, it sounds like you did the right thing about getting your number changed. That is a pain, but a lot easier to deal with than putting up with him. He may possibly have gotten the number from your children’s cellphones. If your situation was abusive or controlling before it sounds like you may need to make some contact with the domestic violence agency in your city. With them you can go into more detail about your situation and ask for tips and information. And by making the advance call, it can be easier to take the next step if you need to.

    Becky J. you may want to try working with the prosecutor’s office or the judges first. Sometimes if you can get their interest they can put some pressure on the law enforcement community. Besides, they are elected officials. If all else fails, make a list of domestic violence cases in your community and issues that have come up as a result (include all documentation you can find such as victim statements,media articles etc.,) and present that to them.

  6. Becky J said,

    June 23, 2007 at 6:09 am

    Those are great ideas thanks for the suggestion, sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to come up with the ideas. Thank you

  7. Deb Nagle said,

    August 9, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    I have just completed a book titled Family Terror that is available at http://www.FamilyTerror.com. The name of the book is significant. By calling this abusive behavior domestic violence or a domestic dispute we give permission for the violence not to be taken seriously. If a fight happened in a fast food restaurant we would not call it a hamburger dispute. It would be a crime. Also, Family Terror is a crime.
    And there lies the ultimate solution. We don’t need more conventional shelters. In fact we will need fewer conventional shelters if only we treat “Family Terror” as a crime. The abuser is the criminal. It is not a logical solution to hide the victim and let the abuser run free. There are technical methods to guarantee protective orders are enforced.
    If we continue down the path we are currently on, this violence and its results will multiply with each generation. Stop and think about one abuser and victim and their children. How many lives will be impacted in the next generation or next 50 years because of these people? Keep in mind that most children grow up to be either a victim or an abuser if they were raised in that environment. It is also important to note that 80% of the people who are incarcerated today grew up in abusive homes. So each of these crimes causing the incarceration, also had victims as well.
    The most prudent use of funds is stopping the abuser. If the abuser is stopped, many things will change for the better. This abuse is the TRUE SILENT EPIDEMIC in our country.
    Anytime there is a great deal of money being passed around, there is going to be issues embraced that are selfish and not wholesome to the good of the cause.
    The big question is how can we the proper solutions started and cease the improper band aid expenses that are just plain wasteful of our tax money.


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