The unnamed woman reportedly began keeping a journal of alleged assaults in 2004. The asaults she wrote about were allegedly both physical and sexual in nature.
The woman has told police that on April 6 th, she used her husband’s money and car to go get a haircut. And reportedly he was angry about that. The woman alleges that he forced her to submit to a sex act in the bathroom of their home, all while she pleaded with him not to do so. And that he had done so before.
Now her husband Vladek Filler has been charged with gross sexual assault. His defense attorney has indicated he intends to plead not guilty.
According to the exectutive director of the Rape Response Center in the area
“It happens more than people think,”. “Some of it comes in as domestic violence, but they don’t always identify the sexual assault. I would love to see more people understand that both are crimes.”
“It’s much more difficult even to report violence against someone that you love,” she said. “Victims often feel a great deal of guilt and oftentimes the perpetrator encourages that guilt. And then to have to go into detail about that abuse in court, in front of a jury.”
The case will go before the Grand Jury in June.
Many people do keep diaries, it is interesting that this woman used hers to keep a record of assault.
Previous intimacy does not give automatic permission for a sexual act. Marriage does not give automatic permission for a sexual act. Even in a committed relationship both parties need to consent to a sexual act.
Intimacy is normal and natural in a relationship. But force and coercion should never be a part of that. Sex or any other intimacy should never be used as a punishment.
There may be times when one party may wish imtimacy at a time that the other party does not. And most couples are able to work that out through some form of compromise. But when force is used to initiate a sexual act, that is a crime- whether you are a couple or not.
Even in a marriage, with the expected intimacy both parties still have the right to say No. Using force in the relationship- sexual or otherwise, is a crime. Even in a marriage.
If sexually assaulted by spouse or partner, do not shower or bathe after the act. Call police.
How do you tell a police officer that your spouse or partner raped you? You tell them the same way that you would tell them that you were physically assaulted. You say it. Just like any other sexual assault victim, it is difficult to report. But until you do, most likely it will continue.
And you tell yourself, just like any other sexual assault victim, that what happened is not your fault. That no one should ever be forced. And that by applying force, your spouse committed a crime, and that you are not at fault for the crime or for reporting it.
After telling police, you will then be taken for an examination with a doctor and a sexual assault exam will be done. That is to gather evidence of a crime. The sexual assault examination is much like an annual gyn exam, but they will be conducting different tests designed to gather evidence.
Most communities have rape response teams available to talk with you about what happened, many will stay with you through the process. Most communities also have domestic violence agencies that can also talk with you about it.
A sexual assault of any type can leave the victim feeling very embarrassed and alone. It can be hard to realize that this has happened to others and that nothing you can say will shock the police or the advocates. They will have heard some version of it before. By reporting what happened to you, by acknowleging the crime, you are clearing the way to be able to access help for yourself.