The Abuser

Relatives say the relationship between Troy Parker, 39, and his wife Christy Vance Parker, 42, was tumultous. Court records show minor run ins for both parties, but no arrests for domestic violence.

Troy Parker’s family has said there was domestic violence.

“He’s not a saint, but as far as being a woman beater, he’s not,” “This is a situation where the man was mostly abused, but got laughed at when he asked for help.” The Parker’s had divorced once.

On Friday Troy Parker was at his mother’s home and left to get supplies to fix her roof.

Allegedly back at his home an argument developed. Someone at the home called police about 2 pm on Friday.

Police Troy Parker dead with a stab wound to his chest. Christy Vance Parker was arrested for his murder.

The couple’s two teenage children were at home at the time. They are now with relatives.

Family says that Troy Parker loved boats and being on the water. He also loved kids and was godfather to three relatives children as well as a father to two. “He loved kids. He was a kid himself most of the time.”

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Without a living person to recount events or documention and court records it is hard for an outsider to determine if abuse happened.  All that is left is for relatives to speak about what they saw.

Experts believe female to male abuse is fairly rare. But they admit they don’t really know how often it happens. Men are hesititant to report it. And often if they do report it, they aren’t believed.

There are few shelters that will accept men. Few resources available to men. And the same DV problem and behavior that apply to women also plague men. Once bonded to someone they don’t want to leave. And they want to keep the love, they just want the abuse to stop. They want to remain close with their children.

When men try to report domestic abuse by women, authorities may look at the physically bigger man, then look at the smaller woman. They may not believe. They may even develop suspicions of the man. They may believe that the man is using the accusation of violence to take advantage of the domestic violence laws and protections. They may believe it is a form of retaliation against the wife. They may even suspect the man is really the abuser. Because few believe that female to male abuse really happens.

Men are raised not to lay a hand on a woman, no matter the provocation. And some do better at that than others. So a man committed to never harming a woman has few resource’s to defend themselves against a woman.

Think of the movies you may have seen where the man says something the woman doesn’t like, and she slaps him. Do you have the same reaction that you would have had if it had been the other way around? When the woman slaps the man, most do not think of that as abuse.

Women are known to abuse children and the elderly. Women are known to kill, both spouses and boyfriend’s. Women are known to kill aquaintances and strangers. Is it so hard to believe that women can also be domestic violence abusers?

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20 Comments

  1. mssuicidebomber said,

    January 6, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    Abuse is not gender specific, either sex has the potential to abuse and kill. I was abused by my mother my entire childhood. Without the knowledge of other family members. She was careful to attack me only when we were alone. As a young adult I was a rageaholic and verbally abused my first husband the first five years of the marriage. I got help and although I knew better, the urge to control him was always with me. It is a difficult behavior to overcome. It can be done.
    I wish people would get away from each other instead of engaging in these violent confrontations. Having more knowledge and counseling made available is a start. People must be made to feel safe in sharing their experience, both men and women.

  2. January 6, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    Thank you for your honesty Mssuicidebomber. You are right, if people wish to change, with counseling and hard work they can do so. But the person themselves have to have the commitment to do so. I am glad you worked at it and succeeded.

  3. Holly said,

    January 8, 2007 at 4:28 am

    Christy did not commit murder but she acted in self defense against her husband whom was high on crack cocaine, beating her with a switch blade pulled on her, she was defending herself with a kitchen knife. Christy’s crime was not murder, the only crime she committed was loving that man more than she loved herself.

  4. Brenda Elkins said,

    January 9, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    Christy did not commit murder but she acted in self defense against her husband whom was high on crack cocaine, beating her with a switch blade

    Holly – if you were witness to the defense murder I hope you have went to the prosecuting attorney?

  5. stephania said,

    January 12, 2007 at 9:17 pm

    My cousin was alot of things but not a wife beater.Many beatins did happen but to Troy not her.She made many threats on his life recently and then acted out what she promised to do.She not only caused pain to her husband she destroyed a family who is in alot of pain.Divorce was always an option for christy not killing him.She could of gotten away from him if he was that bad.I will say no matter what your family does in life always let them know you care about them they can be taken with out notice like Troy has but in death he is free from pain ,drugs ,and the pain caused to him by his wife we LOVE you Troy

  6. Tod said,

    January 12, 2007 at 9:25 pm

    If putting a knife through your husbands heart is not murder then what is.I didnt know Troy a whole lot but what I did know he was funny and never did I witness a angry side even if he was on any drug .I did know christy and I witnessed the abuse to her two sons.Thank god when my wife and I have fights she doesnt feel the need to end my life.I call that bein a human not a monster

  7. mssuicidebomber said,

    January 13, 2007 at 1:41 am

    I have felt the rage that drives murder. I still deal with anger but I do not direct that anger at others. We always have a choice. Choice. We forget that is our power.I wish more people would recogmize this is the only real power we have, the power to choose.

  8. mssuicidebomber said,

    January 13, 2007 at 1:44 am

    I have felt murderous rage. I understand it. I also know that I held the power of my choice. I have not killed anybody, I chose to get away from them instead and sever contact. We always have a choice.

  9. January 13, 2007 at 4:59 am

    One comment edited per HSH. You are welcome to contribute, to speak of how it affects you, to talk about your perceptions of the crime, or what you know about the events. But no attacking other people who are commenting.

  10. lavada said,

    January 13, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    wellbeing should have been thought about now they have to live with that picture of their dad dead on the floor every day no one knows what happened but the ones that was there unfortunely Troys not hear to tell his family what really happened and it would be the truth because he protected and stood up for her but no matter how mad u get it does notttttttttttt give u the right to kill anyone are tell a lie and she always said i want lie on you about you are for you but there seems to be quite a few stories that is so far fetched there was to many ways that this could have been avoided first of all the kid

  11. Stephania said,

    January 13, 2007 at 9:56 pm

    I want all who reads this to know how much my anunt LOVED her son.She is in alot of pain which is breaking all of our hearts to watch her suffer.So when u think your in a bad relationship get out of it dont end the persons life.When you end ones life you destroy the ones who love that person and I think christy should pay for her crime.I hope when she closes her eyes she has to see Troys face as he was dyin I hope this does to her what she did to his family.She also took away Tonys best friend in life which was Troy now he is lost and that breaks my heart .I want my family to know I may not show it but I love each and evey one of them dearly

  12. denise said,

    January 13, 2007 at 10:35 pm

    Troy is dead because she stabbed him in the heart meaning to end his life. Troy was not armed with any objects and had not thought about or tried to hurt or end her life. She has now left her children without a father or a protector.Did she think about that before she ended a human life? To take a life that GOD created is a sin that GOD will NOT forgive. Love is suppuse to fulfill,and consume you, NOT KILL YOU!!! So what’s left, Afamily torn , children without a father and a person responsible for taking a human life without any justified reasoning. She was not knifed or abused, she had/has no wounds ,but if you check he has quite a few (some recent & some as earlier per the attack from his so called loving (hating) wife. GOD please I don’t ever want somebody to LOVE me the way she supposedly LOVED HIM. I hope that the time fits HER crime.

  13. NOKIDDING said,

    January 14, 2007 at 7:51 am

    NOT A SAINT NO FREAKING KIDDING HE WAS FROM HELL. WELCOME HOME
    SHE RID THE WORLD OF A BAD APPLE WHICH DID NOT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE ALONG WITH THREE OTHER ADAMS APPLES AND TWO APPLELETTS.

  14. NOKIDDING said,

    January 14, 2007 at 7:55 am

    THE ONLY PEOPLE TAKING UP FOR HIM IS IS FAMILY. EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS AND DISPISES THE REAL HIM.

  15. lavada said,

    January 14, 2007 at 9:16 am

    this is sad everyone voicing about the wrong things she did the crime and the kids will do the time last memories they have of their dad is being killed and having to carry his body to another room so people should stop and think before they speak the kids have alot to deal with so why would you want to add more on them you might not have cared for him but they did just 2 weeks prior to that they saw him get stabbed by thier mother not succeeding and as for drugs she put drugs in his drinks so stop and think before you add to the problem for those poor kids im his aunt and very prould to say he is my nephew Troy ilove you with all my heart

  16. NOKIDDING said,

    January 14, 2007 at 3:13 pm

    I AGREE MURDER ISNT THE ANSWER SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT A LONG TIME AGO. I DO HATE IT FOT THE KIDS. I HOPE THAT THESE KIDS LOOK AT THE FAMILY AND SEE THIS AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO BE AND GROW UP AS HONEST HARD WORKING DRUG FREE UNABUSIVE ADULTS. BE AS UNLIKE THERE DAD AS POSSIBLE. GET UP GO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND DO NOT BREAK INTO OTHER PEOPLES HOMES TO STEAL THE THINGS THEY GOT OUT OF BED FOR WENT TO WORK AND BUSTED THERE ASSES ONLY TO HAVE IT TAKEN FROM THEM TO SUPPORT SOMEONE ELSES HABIT. IT IS COMPLETLY UNFAIR AND WRONG.

  17. denise said,

    January 14, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    your not kidding christy’s family does still have 5 bad apples and they should be beside her now to help pray for her sinful soul she’ going to need it. Becuse Troy is sitting at the right hand of GOD. He’s a whole soul again , only the strong survive and he is strong ,he doesn’t have to have her controlling him and stealing for HER. She has also helped and been with him to commit some of the crimes that ya’ll claim he did. troy busted his butt working hard. He took all of ya’ll into his home and paid ya’lls way when ya’ll coulndn’t handle the abuse at your own homes,and ya’ll didn’t mind taking (robbing )him of his home or money. It’s sad that a mother would have her own children declared legally crazy to draw a check . It’s all about money with these people. She made the choice she made now GOD will punish her according. All the prayer in the world will never free her soul. She will reighn in HELL!!!!

  18. NOKIDDING said,

    January 14, 2007 at 5:12 pm

    I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER OF HER FAMILY ONLY HIM. I DO FEEL BADLY FOR HIS MOTHER AND HIS FAMILY. NO ONE SHOULD EVER LOSE SOMEONE THEY LOVE THAT WAY. IF THINGS WERE AS BAD AS HE AND OTHERS CLAIM HE SHOULD HAVE RAN NOT JUST WALKED AWAY AND THE SAME FOR HER. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE MISERABLY. I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS THEY STAY FOR THE KIDS. THEY PROBABLY TRUELY BELIEVE THAT BUT THESE KIDS HAVE APPARENTLY WITNESSED ALOT OF UNNECESSARY VIOLENCE AND CRIME. WAS ALL OF THIS IN THERE BEST INTEREST? I HOPE THEY CAN RISE ABOVE THIS AND BECOME EVERYTHING I STATED ABOVE.

  19. Stephania said,

    January 16, 2007 at 12:31 am

    If you dont know christy then dont comment you cant be that good of a person to think she did the world a favor by killing the father of her children.If Troy did something to you then he is dealing with it now by being with GOD.He rid himself of all evil including her.But she can never rid her sould of being a cold blooded KILLER.I wouldnt want her in my home not knowin when she will strike again.We need to be in fear for those kids when will she freak out and kill one of them .Who is next you KILLER

  20. hatekillers said,

    January 16, 2007 at 12:48 am

    I would not want to live if I killed some one I said I loved .She didnt think much of her kids to do the crime in front of her kids.What a MOM.Those kids should hate her for ever.She has a one way ticket to HELL I hope the devil has a special job for the husband killer


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