A question of abuse

Howard Kyles, 29, died early Saturday morning of a stabbing. Allegedly he was stabbed by his girlfriend Dianne Wright.

Reportedly there is a history of domestic abuse between the couple. And Dianne Wright had a protection order on Howard Kyles. But Kyles family says he is the one who was abused. His sister has said “It’s really time for us to wake up and open our eyes and not to be so one sided that men too can be abused.” Also according to his sister, after allegedly stabbing her brother multiple times, Wright hit him with a ‘pole’ as he was trying to get away from her.

Police say they were dispatched to the scene on the report of a man down about 1 am Saturday morning. Reportedly after stabbing Howard, Wright fled the scene and was later taken into custody.  

wishtv.com                        wthr.com                   wishtv.com

Domestic cases are ‘messy’. Often there are no witnesses other than the participants. And usually both participants are going to be angry, and are going to have statements that vary somewhat on the details.

Who was the aggressor, who escalated the argument by using physical force and who has physical injuries are going to be looked at. Other factors that might be looked at are whose home is it (single or joint) and who has the restraining order. The question of who was the abuser and who was the abused is often a point of dispute.

In some areas, if both have injuries, both are charged. That way the question of who was abusing and who was defending themselves can be a matter that is settled in court.

Can men be abused? Theorically I believe it is possible. Others disagree.

Who was abused in this case? Most likely that is going to be one of the issues looked at by the court.

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5 Comments

  1. D.P. said,

    November 21, 2006 at 1:04 am

    While the majority of domestic violence victims are women, men do account for a very small percentage. It is not as widely reported, for obvious reasons, but it does occur. At least two or three times a year, we would field calls from men on our DV hotline where I worked. It was a sad thing to have to tell them that our shelter could not offer them any help as we were a women and children only facility. The best we could do for these guys was offer them the phone numbers of several Men’s Outreach programs here in our city. However, none of those programs are specifically designed to cater to DV towards men.

  2. silverside said,

    November 23, 2006 at 2:46 am

    I agree with DP. Sure, there are men who are abused, but by whom and at what level of severity? How often are their injuries the result of self-defense by victims? Plus, I have read that many are young gay men, not the victim of some mystical class of Amazonian women.

    Seriously, there are men who are the injured in fights, and their concerns do need to be addressed. But the context compared to women tends to be different. Men aren’t raised in a culture that “normalizes” intimate violence as something ordained by God or by the culture (machismo). Nobody encourages them to stick it out “for the family” in the same the way that certain so-called leaders have told women to. Women are not sanctioned by the culture to control men’s movements or generate an environment of fear in the home. Even if a woman tried, the culture wouldn’t back it up. And men aren’t economically dependent on women, at least not as a group. Therefore, even though a guy may get a few scratches of bruises, he is seldom forced from the home in fear of his life or his kids or left homeless. In fact, dv never even gets a mention in the literature on why men become homeless, except that some homeless men with histories of abuse may have burned their bridges with family and friends, meaning that family and friends are less likely to provide him with shelter.

    Plus, it is important to realize that it is not uncommon for abusers to try to gain access to shelters by feigning abuse. Their true motivation, however, is to regain access to their victim or harrass the other residents who are in shelter. Unfortunately, because abusers very often have a victim mentality (“it wasn’t me, it was because she got dinner on the table late”), it is not always difficult to separate out the true abuse victim from the abuser/pretender.

  3. Jim said,

    May 26, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    Men can be abused just as easely as women, you just don’t hear about it because men are suppose up hold this persona of being the Strong one. But what happen’s when you have a forceful woman that pushes her anger off on a Loving Husband that is willing to try to keep it all together for the Family. Hoping thing’s will change and finding out that the Wife had been slepping around for year’s . And you were devestated when you found out. People just don’t want to think that this kind of thing goes on. Because women are held up on a pedestal and are so offen thought of as the one being abused. Well people when your raised up to be a Kind and Caring husband, and a good kind and caring person,who do you tell about this kind of thing when it happen’s. You get all the same responces that the women do time’s two. Suck it up be a man, quite being a whinner. All the thing’s that you would expect to hear. But you try and push past it all only to be looked at as a Moron for Caring to much. And I sure as Hell am not Gay either. I have had all those same thought’s that other men have,AND WOMEN as well, wow what would it be like to Make Love to her, and how would it be to be Made Love to by her, She is Hot, I can’t get her off my mind. She is oh so wow. Humans of either Sex have all the same thought’s. Don’t fool your self. Guy’s can be Very Loving and Caring, and evry comminted to there women…. Women do not hold the only Key to that door way in life. My exwife wife threatened to kill me,Threw Knifes at me, and you name it. If it wasn’t nailed down I’ve had it thrown at me. Why because I choose to have the courge to say no I don’t agree. And I am also intitled to have an Opinion. All I’m saying here is this people, Men and Women open up your eye’s it happen’s to both of us. Yes it really does. Abuse has no Face it can be anyone with a need to control another person to what ever point they see fit. For their own Gain’s. Love is not alway’s a two way street.

  4. May 27, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    You are right Jim, men are sometimes the abused. And the answers for men is the same as for a woman. If an abused man stays in the relationship, they have an increased risk of being injured or killed. They must get out. You can ask or beg an abuser to not do it again, but once it begins it is too late. It will most likely happen again and will most likely escalate, no matter whether it is male or female.

  5. Still Sad said,

    June 7, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    Howard was my children’s dad. After two years, his son still thinks his dad is coming home. I can’t explain death to myself…it’s even harder to explain it to a 6 year old, but our 10 year old knows better.

    Dianne gets out September of this year. She will serve less than 2 years for murder (reckless homicide they call it). This is not the first time Dianne has done something like this, (yes–MURDER) yet she continues to get away with it.

    While Howard had his share of issues, I can plainly tell you that Diane abused him.

    Pardon me for my “novel”, but this will be therapeutic for me.

    Our son was born 12 weeks early. Howard had a job doing construction during this time. Howard NEVER left my side when I was in the hospital, so after 2 weeks of staying with me and I gave birth to our son, Howard learned that he was laid off and it hit him hard.

    Not knowing how he would take care of us, he started drinking. One night while drunk, he met Diane. I don’t know what she did to him, but whatever it was caused him to come and tell me that he couldn’t be the man he needed us to be, so he would leave me alone, with young children (by now, our son was 2 years old and they had been fooling around while me and my son were still in the hospital). In a span of less than 4 months, he went from a man that would get his children whatever they needed and more, to a guy that rarely called.

    I didn’t find out the truth until after he died. Dianne had introduced Howard to smoking EMBALMING fluid, he became a zombie after that. Dianne would run out of money and tell Howard to break into houses and steal. Dianne would keep Howard from calling to check on his kids and when he did, the phone calls always lasted less than a minute. Dianne would start fights with Howard so she could called the police on him and feel free to get money by other means–which was prostitution. Not only would Dianne abuse Howard, her sons would as well, yet Howard stayed and stole for them instead of helping me with our children. I guess that’s the power of drugs, eh?

    Two days before Howard died, I saw him in the store. He just looked at me and spoke and kept walking. It was as if he didn’t know me anymore. This was a man I had known for 15 years and he was gone, just a shell–that hurt.

    I found out that he was dead by watching the news. No one in his family even told me he was dead. What a horrible way to find out the father of your children are dead.

    Diane (or her sons) hit Howard with a pipe in the back of the head and stabbed him in his carotid. Had he not been stabbed, he would have had brain damage. You can see it in this picture I took of him in his coffin http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y293/Puprlehaze/hayescoffin.jpg
    She stabbed him where he had the children’s names tattooed on his neck.

    I blame them both…I am still mad at Howard for leaving us this way, for being weak and turning into a zombie and leaving his children, whom he used to be so proud of…and I am mad at Dianne for taking him away. Before all of this, Howard was a hard working, God fearing man that would give his last to make for sure someone else had what they needed. He died a drug addicted, abused zombie.

    There is the story, as ugly as it is.

    Thanks for allowing me to share.


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