Crime Scene Blog

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In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Stephen McCaskill at Crime Scene Blog has written a very special post titled Domestic Violence: Looking at Yourself.

An Excerpt:

Almost everyone either has been a victim of domestic violence or knows someone who has been abused by a spouse or loved one. And even if you think you don’t know anyone like that, the odds are, someone you know has been a victim and you would never realize it.

First, let us discuss what exactly is Domestic Violence.

I encourage everyone to click over and check it out.

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14 Comments

  1. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 2:40 am

    Every day I live in fear. I was abused by two “men”. The first time was more than twenty years ago yet I still live in fear of this men. Even though several states seperate us and I have had NO contact with him in 15 years I still live in fear of him. Well you would of thought I learned my “lesson” the first time. In 2000 I met another “wonderful” man who said all the right things. Little did I know he too would turn out to be an abuser. I now live a thousand miles away from him as well but I still live in fear. I even put this man in prison for the abuse he put me and my child through. What do I get for this though? A letter stating he is no longer on probation meaning he can now cross state lines. How much longer can I run. Thank you for this blog and making people aware of domestic abuse!!

  2. October 7, 2006 at 3:06 am

    Mel, I am so sorry for what you are going through. If I could make a suggestion? Get in touch with the local domestic violence agency where you are now. Let them know of your fears, let them know the latest info in your case and see what they can suggest.

  3. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 3:19 am

    I have done that NUMEROUS times in several states and the same things are always said! I am scared for myself and my children…however right now for my youngest child as he is the child of the man I sent to prison. It’s a sad sad world. I feel like I am constantly on the run! It never ends. Honestly it never ever ends.

  4. October 7, 2006 at 3:29 am

    Mel, I don’t know what they said to you. But you might want to get in touch with them again, based on the fact that he is now off probation. You could ask them about assisting you to make a safety plan, based on the fact that he is now free.
    Please forgive me for saying this. But are you familiar with PTSD? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Sometimes it does apply to domestic violence survivors (I don’t know if it does in your case). You have to be able to go through life without undue fear, and sometimes PTSD will hinder that. Have you considered going into counseling, to help you in determining how much of the fear is real, how much is a remainder from the relationship? They can also help you to learn how to deal with the fear when it happens.

  5. October 7, 2006 at 3:31 am

    Have you had any indications that he knows where you are, or has he tried to get in contact with you?

  6. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 3:33 am

    I have been through counseling. Several times over the course of 20 years. I guess receiving the letter in the mail last week brought up the past. I live in a different state now so I don’t know if there is much they can do here. It’s amazing how ONE person can affect so many peoples lives!

  7. October 7, 2006 at 3:51 am

    It is not just how many people it affects, it is how long the effects last. I would still work up some safety plans, and that should help the fear some- you will have a recently reviewed plan for keeping your family safe and that should help with the fear some. Make sure to contact your son’s school and advise them.

  8. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 3:53 am

    He contacted me a little over a year ago but his PO found out and he was told that if he contacted me again he would go back to prison (at the time he was in a half way house) so yes he knows where I am. However seeing as he is no longer on probation he is free to go anywhere. He has recently had another child so I am hoping and praying it keeps him there. He claimed at the time he contacted me that he desperately wants to see his son and will do “anything” to see him. He does have child support garnished from his wages and if he fails to pay it he can go to jail but I don’t know if that will deter him.

  9. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 3:59 am

    Seeing as the “no contact” order is no longer in effect do you think there is much they can do about it? I left the state and ran basically with my son. They do know that my son is to go home only with the people on the list I have sent to school with him and NOONE else. My son’s school also has lock down all day…you have to ring a bell to get in the building during school hours. Plus my son knows who he can go home with. Wow thank you for “listening”.

  10. October 7, 2006 at 4:08 am

    Mel, if it were me- I would contact the school, update them on the father’s status. Review with them who your children (all the children) are allowed to see, and then wait. Yes, hopefully he will stay away. But if he should show up, the school should be aware of the problem. Since you have had a previous no contact order, that should at least get you a phone call, and should prevent him from leaving the school with the child. Make sure they are aware of any visitation order or lack there-of. If he should show up, and you should get a call- take police with you to the school.

  11. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 4:29 am

    Thank you! Considering my son has NO idea what his “father” even looks like should help…I would hope he would never go with someone he doesn’t know. Someone he knows is always there waiting for him after school and walks him to school. I do need to contact someone though. I do drive myself crazy thinking of all the “what if’s”.

  12. October 7, 2006 at 4:44 am

    You make the best plans you can, then do your best to forget, while still remaining alert.
    Be sure to tell the school the same rule applies to all the children, so that one of the other children cannot be used against you.
    And if you ever see him- get yourself to a safe place and call police immediately. Even before a threat is made.

  13. Mel said,

    October 7, 2006 at 4:57 am

    Thank you! Thank you for this blog and thank you for listening!

  14. October 7, 2006 at 5:09 am

    Mel, there are links to the left to help review what you need in your safety plan.


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