And they go back

Jennifer Barron’s cousin is talking about her cousin who was killed on Saturday. “She had this really cute baby talk,” Ms. Luna said. “She had just a big heart. And she was open to anyone’s input. And she loved getting information and learning.”  Mrs. Luna says that her cousin was in an abusive relationship. But that she loved her husband and wanted to give him a chance. “He became obsessed, controlling, overpowering and didn’t let her see any of the family,” “She tried leaving him several times because he was abusive.”  But she went back.

She left him again about a week before her death. And on Saturday about 9 pm, her husband 39-year-old Jose Trevino came to Jennifer’s sister’s home with a gun. Jennifer had attempted to find refuge with her sister, in another attempt to leave her husband.

After Jose Trevino forced Jennifer to leave, her sister called 911. “She said her brother-in-law came into the house with a gun and took her sister hostage, but she didn’t want to go,” the sheriff’s office said they were told.

A few minutes later the car with Jennifer driving, was spotted by a police officer. He pulled in behind it and called for backup. Another police car arrived and they attempted a felony stop with their lights.

The car pulled to the shoulder of the road, Trevino raised his gun, and shot Jennifer twice in the head. He then turned the gun on himself. Jennifer Barron was pronounced dead at the scene. Paramedics were able to revive Trevino somewhat, and he was transported to the hospital where he was later pronounced dead.

Jennifer Barron leaves behind 4 children from a previous relationship, ages 18, 16, 14, and 10.

You wonder why abusive women go back? Many times an abuser will threaten to harm themselves, the spouse, or even the children. Or they may not threaten, but the spouse instinctively knows. They know from previous experience with the abuser and his reactions through the years. And they know their fear is very real, they have felt the violence before.

And yes, sometimes they love their abuser. Love is a feeling. It is not guided by reason, by thinking or even by knowing what might happen. In other words, what they know in their head, may not be realized in their hearts. That can make them easy targets, when the abuser says he/she is sorry and makes promises to change,

So they go back. Repeatedly. Each time they hope things will be different this time. Each time they hope that the abuser will have learned that they can leave, and will change their behavior accordingly. They don’t realize that by returning, they just reinforce the abusers belief that they are justified in what they did. And they don’t realize that they justify the abusers belief- that no matter what they do, they can control the spouse through intimidation and violence and empty promises.

But one thing they do usually realize……they are in danger no matter if they stay or leave. But if they go back, he has less of an immediate reason to harm them.

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