The teen years

Everyone knows those teen years can be difficult for a parent to deal with. Teens can often be too incautious, too mouthy, and too eager to make their own decisions. They are struggling for an independence they aren’t really ready for, they have all of those hormones running rampant, and they can be downright stubborn. But by the age of 12 years, there are only 6 more years til they can legally be on their own. And if it gets too bad, then it  may be time to find other ways to deal with them. But above all, a parent is the adult and on the bottom line is the one who should be in control and making decisions that are the best for both themselves and for their child.

Police were called to a home for a domestic dispute between a father and his daughter about a week ago. But the argument de-escalated and there were no threats of violence.

However, things were different when they were called this week. When police arrived on a call about a domestic dispute, they found Albert Ellington, 60 standing outside the residence. He had blood on him.

Inside police found Albertneshia Ellington, 12, dead lying in a pool of blood. Police say she was stabbed several times.

http://www.wndu.com/news/032006/news_48684.php

 

Advertisements

A father and his little girl

If you keep track of crime news, you already know about the porn ring that was busted a few days ago. 27 men and women were arrested for operating a chat room, where persons who belonged to the chat room would come, they would discuss the type of child pornography they wanted to see, then the porn would be exchanged through via file sharing through peer to peer programs and via instant message programs. Reportedly, the porn exchanges were pretty much on demand.

Police infiltrated the chat room, and got evidence of the child porn and that led to the arrests. Some of the stories they are hinting at are pretty horrific. But one of the worst they are are sharing, is of a man who performed oral sex on an 18 month old little girl, recorded it then shared it in the chat group. And the law enforcement and media is not sharing the names of the victims. This is done, in order to protect the victims from as much embarrassment and unwanted attention as possible. However, there are times that no matter if the victims name is never mentioned, a sense of who the victim may have been will sometimes become apparent as the story unfolds. This is one of those cases.

Brian A. Annoreno is one of the men who were arrested. He is the one who is accused of recording and distributing the act of oral sex on the 18 month old baby. One of the questions that invariably comes up is where was the mother in all of this. According to the attached article, this woman thinks she may be the mother.

Guliana Bojkovski had three little girls, and the youngest was a little girl she had with Annoreno. Her daughter with him is 18 months old.

At some point, and the article doesn’t say why, Bojkovski lost custody of her three little girls, and they were placed with Annoreno. She eventually got the two older children back in her custody, but her youngest daughter was still in the custody of Annoreno. She states she hasn’t seen her daughter since April of last year. She states that she doesn’t know why her girls were taken from her and placed with Annoreno, but she does mention that he portrayed to the court that she was an unfit mother.

She learned of Annoreno’s arrest through the news media. And she evidently still hasn’t been told officially about her daughter’s involvement in the porn ring. But she states she feels certain that it is her daughter they are talking about.

She states she wants to see her daughter and hold her. She states she filed a protective order against Annoreno, after learning of the federal protective charges against Annoreno. But she says that didn’t work, as Annoreno’s parents had the little girl and they also filed a protective order against him the day before.

Bojkovski has gotten an attorney and plans to file for custody of her daughter.

http://cbs2chicago.com/local/local_story_075185208.html

Parents are supposed to be the protector’s of their children. But sometimes parents will be the very ones who the children need protection from. In this case, the “father” is alleged to have committed sex abuse on his own child, in order to either tillitate some one else’s fantasies. I don’t know, maybe this was a requirement in order allow him access to more porn for his own sick fantasies. But he abused the child, and exploited her for his own purposes. She was too young to make a choice as to how she wanted her body to be used or treated. All she knew was this was what “daddy” told her to do. Some will say that she wasn’t hurt. And I guess if you are only talking physically, then no maybe she wasn’t. But she was made to participate in an activity that was not normal for her age. An activity that will leave her with a lot of feelings that mentally and emotionally she isn’t ready for. And because it tends to warp the child’s perception of others it will likely affect the way she deals with others in the future. Well, you may say she is young, she will forget. But you can’t unring a bell, and she will be left with feelings and perceptions of others that she may never reccuperate from.

The following is information from the Rape, Abuse, & Incest National  Network and they are talking about typical reactions from a child who has been sexually abused.

  • Withdrawal
  • Depression
  • Sleeping & eating disorders
  • Self-mutilation
  • Phobias
  • Psychosomatic symptoms (stomach aches, headaches)
  • School problems (absences, drops in grades)
  • Poor hygiene/excessive bathing
  • Anxiety
  • Guilt
  • Regressive behaviors- thumb-sucking, etc.

Traumatic Sexualization:

  • Aversive feelings about sex
  • Overvaluing sex
  • Sexual identity problems
  • Hypersexual or sexual avoidance

Stigmatization:

  • Feelings of guilt/responsibility for the abuse
  • Self-destructive behavior
    • Substance abuse
    • self-harm
    • suicidal ideation
    • risk-taking acts
    • provocative behavior in order to encite punishment

Betrayal:

  • Lack of trust, especially of those who were supposed to be protective and nurturing
  • Avoidance of investment in others
  • Manipulative behaviors
  • Anger, acting-out and borderline behaviors
  • Re-enacting the trauma through involvement in additional abusive or dangerous relationships

Powerlessness:

  • Perception of vulnerability, victimization
  • Desire to control and prevail– often exhibited as identification with the aggressor
  • Avoidance– including dissociation, running away
  • Anxiety– including phobias, sleep problems, eating problems, elimination problems, revictimization

http://www.rainn.org/types-of-assault/sexual-assault/incest.html

The site has a lot of excellent information about the effects of child sexual abuse, and it also has stories from survivors and the effects the abuse had on their later lives.

So she may not have been physically injured. But the injury is probably there, it just isn’t visable to the naked eye.

I don’t know about the mother. I do know that studies show that pedofiles will often go to extrodinary lengths to get at a child. I don’t have access to what was presented to the court that resulted in her children being taken from her. But I think it is concievable that whatever evidence was presented, especially any testimony by Annoreno should be looked at again. He may have given false testimony, in order to ensure that he had free and unfettered access to the child. I do hope she is having the other two little girls interviewed to determine what happened with them, while they were in Annoreno’s care. And I am puzzled as to why the authorities haven’t talked with her about what happened with her child, and if there was any reason for concern with her other two children. Unless the court removed her parental rights, she is still the child’s mother…..and I would think that she would still have the right to know what is happening with her daughter.